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Helpful Hints to Assist the Bride & Groom in Planning their Wedding

Each article below is packed full of helpful hints for the bride and groom -- from what to look for in a good videographer or photographer to suggestions for seating arrangements at your reception.  Are you sure you've got your planning under control?  Check out the "Timeline" section for a ready-made To-Do List.  How much should you expect to spend for the caterer? The "Budget" section will give you a good idea of what you can expect to pay.  Couples have a lot to do to get ready for their big day, but hopefully some of the ideas you'll find here will make the job easier!

 

                        

         Timeline

UPON ENGAGEMENT

* Set the date and time.
* Determine budget and type of wedding.
* Select attendants and start putting a guest list together that fits your budget.
* Announce engagement in the newspaper.
* Parents may host engagement parties.
* Select wedding consultant, if you choose to use one.
* Select place for ceremony. Schedule premarital classes, if appropriate.
* Select color scheme.
* Select reception site.
* Select florist
* Select photographer
* Select videographer
* Select music for the ceremony, vocalist and music for the reception.
* Select caterer and rentals (tent, chairs, tables, linens...).
* Schedule engagement portrait.
* Select wedding gown, headpiece, veil, accessories, shoes and stockings.
* Discuss honeymoon with fiancé.
* Consider insuring engagement rings and consolidating insurance policies.

6 TO 10 MONTHS BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DATE

* Have mothers choose their dresses and accessories.
* Select attendants dresses, shoes, and accessories.
* Finalize honeymoon.
* Choose bridal registry.
* Choose limousine service or other transportation for your wedding day.
* Start looking for a home or apartment, if applicable.

3 TO 6 MONTHS BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DATE

* Finalize guest list.
* Consider putting together a Wedding Web Page
* Order invitations and accessories (i.e., napkins, matches, stationery).
* Select calligrapher (if you choose to use one)
* Order or start making favors for your reception.
* Select formal wear.
* Choose wedding cake and Reserve Cappuccino Bar, if you choose to use one.
* Choose wedding bands and schedule to get them engraved.
* Choose other decorations for reception and ceremony (i.e., balloons, pew bows).
* Plan rehearsal dinner.
* Gather information for out-of-town guests (hotel, transportation, map and
* directions) to include with your wedding invitations.
* Schedule appointments for hair, nails, facial, and tanning.
* Choose furniture and/or appliances for home.
* Bridal Shower and Write thank-you's for bridal shower gifts
* Start addressing, stamping, and stuffing wedding invitations.
* Decide if you plan to press or preserve your bouquet.
* If you choose to display a video Love Story at your ceremony and/or reception, decide and filming locations and schedule a shoot date with your videographer. 

6 TO 8 WEEKS BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DATE

* Mail invitations (6 weeks before wedding).
* If necessary, apply for passports.
* Make moving arrangements.
* Schedule Dance Classes.
* Plan bachelor and bachelorette parties.
* Schedule final fitting for wedding gown.
* Obtain something old, new, borrowed and blue.
* Verify with bridesmaids final dress fittings, alterations and shoes are dyed.
* Verify all the above services and have programs for ceremony printed.
* Prepare arranged seating list for the reception, if appropriate.
* Experiment with your hair and headpiece to find a style for your wedding.
* Schedule your formal bridal portrait .
* Purchase cake top, cake knife, toasting glasses, ring bearers pillow, guest book, garter, aisle runner, unity candles, and/or rent the money box.
* Shop for honeymoon (clothing, lingerie, luggage, film, sun tan lotion...).
* Buy gifts for attendants, fiancé and both sets of parents.
* Mail invitations for rehearsal dinner.
* Acquire a marriage license (valid for 60 days).
* Inform special guests of duties (i.e., readings at ceremony).
* If you choose to display a video photomontage at your rehearsal dinner and/or reception, choose the photographs and get them to our videographer. 

1 TO 2 WEEKS BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DATE

* Begin moving into your new home, if appropriate.
* Get address and name change forms for social security card, drivers license, etc.
* Call guests who have not responded.
* Confirm all the above services (i.e., photographer, reception, caterer, music...).
* Prepare place cards for reception and ceremony, if appropriate.
* Give your caterer or reception site a final count of guests.
* Pack for honeymoon, purchase travelers checks and pick-up tickets.
* Confirm details with attendants (rehearsal dinner and ceremony rehearsal).
* Write thank-yous for wedding gifts you have received and record them.
* Confirm rehearsal dinner details.
* Prepare bird seed/confetti to be thrown at the bride and groom (after ceremony).


1 DAY BEFORE YOUR WEDDING DATE

* Pamper yourself (massage, manicure, tanning...).
* Lay out your wedding attire and accessories.
* Prepare emergency sewing kit, make-up bag and overnight bag.
* Have fun at your ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
* Go to bed early, you will have a long day ahead of you tomorrow.

YOUR WEDDING DAY!!!

* Eat a good breakfast.
* ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED. IT IS YOUR DAY!

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Wedding Budget

The budget outlined below is only a guideline. The "Percent of Budget" allocated for each item will vary from couple to couple, depending upon their own preferences. However, this chart will help you estimate average expenses in each category. To project costs for each budgeted item, multiply your total wedding budget by the percentage allocated in each category (i.e. $15,000 x 3%= $450). 

Of course, adaptations have to be made according to circumstances.  For example, a sit-down dinner for 300 guests will require a larger slice of the wedding budget than dinner for 150.  If the bride elects to use out-of-season flowers, then the additional budgetary expense required for “Florists” will mean cutting back in another category, perhaps eliminating the use of a limousine.  The bridal couple will have to make choices, but the budget presented below will help act as a guideline as you plan your special day.

Description

Suggested Percent of Budget

My Budget

Actual Spent

Church Fees

2%

 

 

Music for Ceremony

1%

 

 

Photographer & Videographer

16%

 

 

Reception Hall & Caterer

34%

 

 

Music for the Reception

5%

 

 

Florist

6%

 

 

Bridal Gown, Veil, and Accessories

10%

 

 

Invitations, Programs & Postage

4%

 

 

Wedding Cake & Top

3%

 

 

Rehearsal Dinner

4%

 

 

Groom’s Wedding Band

4% 

 

 

Groom’s Tuxedo Rental

1%

 

 

Decorating Supplies

3%

 

 

Beauty—Hair, Nails, Tanning

1%

 

 

Gifts for Attendants

2%

 

 

Limousine/Transportation

2%

 

 

Misc Expenses (officient’s stipend, marriage license, bouquet and gown preservation, etc)

2%

 

 

    TOTAL

 

 

 

Click here for a printable budget worksheet

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How to Choose a Good Videographer

Your wedding day is one of the most memorable events in your life and should be captured for you to enjoy for years to come.  Beautiful, lasting images created through videography and photography form an enduring record of your special day and are well worth the investment. 

Your wedding video should reflect that sense of individuality that makes your wedding so special to you. Taking the time to be selective in your choice of a video company will be rewarded in a wedding video that uniquely reflects who you are as a couple and the special day you planned to celebrate the commencement of your life together. 

Before spending valuable time and energy driving to numerous locations, first call to collect data such as type of equipment, time limitations, travel limits, number of cameras, cost, and number of finished copies. This will give you an idea of the range of value that is available, but don't let costs be your sole determining factor.   After all, most professional companies in the same locale are usually within a very close price range.   

When talking to video companies, compare videographers' training and experience and quality level of their equipment. Narrow down your search to several companies and make an appointment to talk to them in person.

DEMAND A PROFESSIONAL:

One of the most important questions you can ask is this:  "What kind of background, training, and experience does the videographer shooting my wedding have?" Beware of large companies who shoot for volume business.  They are often forced to hire employees with little or no experience.  Your wedding is not the time for these novice camera operators to get "on-the-job" training.  In fact, get the name and credentials of the videographer written into your contract so there no "last-minute emergencies." 

Likewise, beware of "part-time" operators who went out and bought video equipment because they thought wedding shoots would make a great part-time weekend job.  You want a professional who has dedicated himself to a full-time career in  videography.

Professional level equipment is critical:

Cameras:  For the highest quality pictures, the best professionals now use three-chip digital cameras.  A standard in the broadcast industry, these cameras offer the sharpest, clearest picture and sound available, and the digital format is much more durable, versatile, and reliable.   Because most wedding videos use two-camera shots (for interest and versatility), make sure your videographer has at least three cameras.  Backup equipment just makes good common sense and protects you from losing precious moments that can never be recaptured again.

Audio:  Make sure your videographer is using a wireless microphone for the groom to wear during the ceremony to ensure excellent sound quality, especially during the vows. Also, if you are using the videographer during your reception or wedding dance, wireless microphones will be needed for good audio during the reception itself.    

Editing systems:  In addition to broadcast-quality cameras and microphones, the most conscientious professionals use nonlinear digital editing systems; in other words, the images from your wedding are transferred to a computer for digital editing. This allows the videographer great versatility and precision in preparing your final wedding video while maintaining the digital quality, clear up to the final editing when the digital images are transferred to your wedding tape.    

Also, ask your videographer how long he maintains a digital master of your wedding in case you or family members want extra copies later.     

When you are previewing a sample video, look for clarity of sound, clear focus, natural color, good lighting, and smooth transitions of scenes.   

Decide on the type of images you want, but don't be afraid to be creative:

There are certain traditional shots that most couples want in their wedding video, but be creative.  Brainstorm ideas and scenes you would like to enjoy for the rest of your life, and make sure the videographer is open to your ideas. Avoid companies that are unreceptive to input from you. After all, it is your wedding. 

Make sure your expectations match your videographer's style.  Some videographers prefer formal, elegant shoots while others go after MTV-like glitz and special effects.  Since this is the record of your day, make sure your videographer understands what you are after and is willing to accommodate your wishes.   

One word of caution:  Make sure your videographer and photographer are discreet.  You want your guests to remember the beauty of your ceremony, not intrusive cameramen. Also, it's probably a good idea to keep "cutesy" animations in your final production to a minimum.  These tend to detract from the elegance of the final production and usually go out of vogue more quickly than personal images. 

Here are some other helpful hints when choosing a videographer:

* High cost does not necessarily equal high quality. Ask for references.

* Plan your wedding with your videographer carefully so that you both know what to expect and don't run into last minute problems.

*Book your date well in advance so that you are guaranteed the services of the videographer of your choice. 

*Make sure the videographer is willing to attend the wedding rehearsal.  This practice "run-through" guarantees that the videographer has no surprises at the ceremony and is prepared to capture every shot.  It is also imperative that he checks for any special lighting or technical problems ahead of time.  If the videographer is not willing to attend the rehearsal, get another one who will. 

*When comparing companies be sure to find out if there are any hidden costs, such as travel, special effects, more than one videographer/camera, or for additional time if there are time restrictions. Read the contract thoroughly, including any fine print before you sign. Put everything in writing so there is no miscommunication. Because of the wide range of prices available, compare what you get for your money as well as what you don't get. 

* Check with your clergyperson to see if the church imposes any camera restrictions and communicate these with your videographer well ahead of time.  For example, if the church does not allow cameras near the alter, then frontal shots of the ceremony will be impossible to get.  The videographer needs this information well in advance to plan how to cope with the difficulty this presents.  For example, some churches will compromise and allow a remote controlled, stationary camera to be set discreetly behind but to the side of the dais. 

* Even if you prefer traditional, formal shots of your wedding, consider having your videographer film candid shots of your guests enjoying themselves during the reception.  Also, many bridal couples enjoy having their guests offer "Advice and Congratulations" on camera.  There are many options available.  Discuss these with your videographer during the planning stage of your wedding video. 

* If there are individuals you do not want the videographer to miss, inform him/her ahead of time. It is usually a good idea to assign someone to assist the videographer during the reception to point out grandmothers, relatives, and special friends you want included in your video.  A written list prepared for the videographer ahead of time will make sure no one is missed. 

* Consider having your videographer create childhood or courtship photomontages or a "Love Story" video ahead of time to show during your wedding reception.  Bridal couples find their guests really enjoy this unique account of the bride and groom's personal history, especially out-of-town relatives and friends who have missed many of the courtship details. 

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How to Choose a Good Photographer

Your wedding day is one of the most memorable events in your life and should be captured for you to enjoy for years to come.  Lasting images created through photography and videography form an enduring record of your special day and are well worth the investment.  

Select your photographer carefully. Get recommendations from friends and family and look at their wedding albums. 

The album should be well balanced. Good color photos should be clear and in focus. Look for overall creativity and the use of different photographic treatments. Make appointments with two or three photographers and review their portfolios to determine if their style matches what you want. Prior to your wedding schedule to speak with the person who will actually be photographing your wedding. Personality is as important as quality in choosing your photographer.


When you meet with your photographer it is important to discuss the following:

* His/Her experience in photography. How long has he/she been in the business and how long has he/she been photographing weddings.
* How many photos will be taken and what will be taken.
* What size pictures will be included in the album or package.
*Does the photographer take film or digital photographs? What can he/she tell you about the quality of their equipment?
* Style of the album (i.e., is the album plastic or genuine leather).
* Do you have any special packages and what are the costs.
* Do these costs include the album.
* Are there any extra fees?
* How long after the wedding does the photographer keep t he negatives.
* Are the negatives properly stored for future use?

Once you choose your photographer, get a written contract specifying the time your photographer is to arrive, the number of pictures, how long the photographer stays and the delivery date. 

Discuss different photo settings, special locations, family members other than the wedding party, lighting restrictions and a contact person to help point out certain people. You may consider taking formal portraits a few weeks before the ceremony. These are usually taken in the photographers studio with all the necessary lighting, backdrops and equipment. Remember to bring your own props - wear your hair and accessories the same way as you plan to on your wedding day. Review specific scenes with your photographer carefully so everything you want is included.

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Traditional Wedding Moments Caught on Video or Film

Before The Ceremony

* Bride fixing veil in mirror with mother
* Bride alone
* Bride with parents
* Bride putting boutonniere on father
* Bride with matron or maid of honor
* Bride with flower girl
* Bride with attendants
* Father putting garter on bride and placing penny in shoe
* Bride leaving to go to church
* Groom alone
* Groom shaking hands with best man
* Groom wiping brow and looking at watch with best man
* Groom with parents
* Groom/ushers putting on boutonnieres
* Groom leaving for ceremony

At The Ceremony

* Guest being seated with ushers
* Bride and father getting out of car
* Groom's parents being seated
* Ushers at alter
* Processional
* Father giving daughter away
* The kiss
* Vows/Exchanging rings
* Lighting of candles
* Pictures from back of church
* Recessional
* Leaving church throwing confetti...
* Bride and groom in limo/car

Before The Reception

* Bride and groom
* Bride and groom with bride's family
* Bride and groom with groom's family
* Bride and groom's family together
* Bride and groom with maid/matron of honor and best man
* Bride and groom with bridal party
* Bride and groom's hands

At The Reception

* The receiving line
* Bride and groom greeting guest in the receiving line
* The best man's speech
* The bride and groom toasting
* The head table/parents table
* The cake table
* Bride and groom cutting and feeding each other the cake
* Bride and grooms first dance
* Parents and bridal party dancing
* Bride and father dancing
* Groom and mother dancing
* Other guests dancing
* Bride throwing the bouquet
* Groom taking garter off the bride
* Groom throwing the garter
* Man who caught the garter putting it on the women who caught bouquet
* Grand March 
* Special friends and family pictures
* Bride and groom waving good-bye

Hiring a competent, personable photographer is worth the research. Your photographer should be someone you trust to capture the feelings, expressions and moments of your special day. 

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Flowers

Bursting with quiet beauty, your wedding flowers help to create that special mood for your wedding day. When selecting your flowers, keep in mind your overall color scheme, dress style, other wedding apparel, time of day, season, environment, what you like and your budget. Typically your flowers will be about 10% to 15% of your overall budget.

Choosing flowers is easy and cost effective if you plan around seasonal blooms. Select flowers that will tie your wedding style into the season. Spring brings a profusion of daffodils, lilacs and peonies. Summer abounds with asters, gladioli and orchids. Autumn casts a multitude of zinnias, marigolds, mimosas and button chrysanthemums. Winter becomes dramatic with deep red roses, poinsettias, stephanotis and freesia. 

Keep in mind the total effect you're trying to create. Imagine how everything will look from the back of the church to the color of table linens in the reception room (see floral chart for other suggestions).

Seeking advice from a professional florist or floral designer will help in your decision making. Start at least six to twelve months in advance of your wedding. Bring fabric swatches, descriptions and photos of wedding apparel, mothers' gowns and attire of the groom and attendants. Don't forget a list of those who need flowers (typically the entire wedding party), a description of the size and the number of tables at the reception, date, time and location of deliveries, any church rules, a budget and a contact person.

Traditionally the bridal bouquet is composed of all white flowers, but color is appropriate. Your bouquet may be a lovely cascade of roses, a cluster of lilies or an arm bouquet of stephanotis. If you choose to keep your bouquet, ask your florist to give you a small throwing bouquet, or purchase one. Your bouquet has a timeless beauty all its own. There are many ways to preserve your bouquet. Place it beneath a glass case with the moisture removed, keep your bouquet in a shadowbox, make a potpourri or press and frame your flowers - pressed flowers can also be used to adorn your wedding invitation.

Bouquets for your attendants are usually similar to your bouquet in size and shape, but colors and flowers may differ. Their flowers should complement their style of dresses. The maid or matron of honor's bouquet may be a different color or larger size than the rest of your attendants. The flower girl may wear a wreath and carry a nosegay or small basket of flowers. Mothers may choose to wear a corsage or not. Grandmothers should also be presented a corsage. The groom, fathers and ushers traditionally wear boutonnieres. A popular choice is a white rosebud or carnation. The ring bearer may or may not wear a boutonniere, depending on his outfit.

The church may be decorated with flowers and plants, depending on the mood you want to create, any church rules and your budget. Flowers are used to purposefully draw all eyes to the front of the church and the bridal couple. You may choose to drape ribbons and flowers down the aisles to mark pews and add color. Use table centerpieces on both sides of the altar or place centerpieces down the aisle. Jewish ceremony vows are spoken under a chuppah that is placed at the altar and decorated with greenery and fresh flowers. Flower laden arches are popular for outdoor ceremonies.

Flowers at the reception should complement table linens and the size of the tables. If a buffet table is used you may want to place an arrangement there. You may also rent indoor plants or small trees from your florist as well as canopies, twinkle lights and an aisle runner.

An equally beautiful alternative to fresh flowers is silk flower arrangements. Silk flowers are guaranteed to last and can be enjoyed long after your special day. You may opt for silk flowers alone or in combination with fresh flowers. Whether you choose silk, fresh or a combination of both, your wedding flowers will play an important role in your special day.

 

Wedding Flowers:  Colors, Seasonal Availability, and Traditional Symbolism                               

NAME

COLOR

 AVAILABILITY

SYMBOLISM 

Alstroemeria 

Orange, Pink, Purple  Red, White and Yellow

All Year

Devotion

Baby's Breath 

Pink and White

All Year

Pure Heart

Bachelor's Button

Blue, Pink and White

Summer-Fall 

Hope, Love and Devotion

Camellia

Blue, Purple and Yellow

Winter 

Good Luck

Carnation

Pink, Purple, Yellow, Red, Striped, and White

All Year 

Distinction

Chrysanthemum 

White, Yellow, Purple Shades

All Year

Cheerfulness and Truth

Daffodil 

Orange, Yellow and White

Winter-Spring

Joy, Devotion

Daisy 

Lavender, White and Yellow

All Year 

Faith, Simplicity

Forget-Me-Nots

Blue

Spring 

True Love

Freesia

Mixed, Lavender, Orange, Pink, Purple, Red, White 

All Year

Innocence

Gardenia  

White

All Year 

Purity, Joy 

 Iris

Blue, Green, Pink, Purple, Red, Yellow and White 

Spring- Summer 

Faith, Wisdom

 Ivy 

Green, Green and White

All Year 

Love, Fidelity, Friendship

 Lily

Lilac, Orange, Pink, Red, Yellow and White

Spring-Summer

Virtue, Beauty, Elegance, Pride 

Orchid 

White, Shades Of Pink,and Lavender

All Year

Beauty, Fertility 

Roses

Lavender, Pink, Orange, Red, Yellow and White 

All Year

Love, Friendship

 Stephanotis 

White 

All Year 

Happiness

Tulip

All colors

Spring

Perfect Lover, Happiness  

 Zinnia

All colors

Summer-Fall

Lasting Affection, Remembrance

 

Flowers Often Required for Weddings        

  • Bridal Bouquet, Maid of Honor, Bridesmaids, Flower Girl, Mothers' Corsages, Headpieces

  • Boutonnieres for Groom, Attendants, Ring Bearer, Fathers

  • Ceremony Flowers for Altar, Aisle or Pew, Candelabras, Arches
    Reception Flowers:  Centerpieces, Cake Table, 

  • Miscellaneous

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Caterer

Your wedding is a time to celebrate with good food, good drinks, and good company. A caterer normally is used when you are planning a function that is outdoors, at a site that does not serve food or have adequate facilities, or when you just want to kick back and enjoy the day. It is highly recommended to use a professional caterer for your reception verses doing it yourself. You do not want to create additional stress on your wedding day by having to worry about the food, beverage and setup. Leave the catering up to the professionals.

A professional caterer will take care of most of your reception needs. They will
help you plan a perfect menu within your budget, do all the food and beverage shopping, prepare the food, beautifully display the food and beverages, and clean-up afterwards.

A caterer should be booked at least six to nine months prior to your wedding day. Before you meet with a caterer understand your budget, the formality and style of your ideal wedding, the number of guests, the date and time of your wedding, and where you would like to have your reception. It is a good idea to ask close friends and family for recommendations. You will want to find someone that you feel comfortable with handling your event, can easily adopt to the style of your reception, offers good suggestions, is flexible, and has the experience working with tent rental agencies, photographers, florists, musicians, etc.

Before making your final decision you should have talked to more than one caterer. Ask to sample the menu options you are interested in. Ask for references and pictures of previous events. You may also want to arrange to visit another catered event to see how it is organized, to get some ideas, to see how the food is displayed and how much food is available.

Once you have chosen your caterer bring him/her to the reception site to inspect the kitchen facilities and to help you design a layout that will be comfortable for your guests (tables, chairs, bar, buffet, gifts table...). Also, inform your caterer of the events that will take place throughout the day or evening so he/she will be able to plan accordingly.

A professional caterer can make your reception a real success and fill your day with pleasant and lasting memories.

Below are some questions you should ask your caterer before signing a contract with a caterer. In addition, get a complete quotation itemizing all costs (food per person, beverage per person, service, rentals, tax, gratuity...) and make sure you read the small print.

* What are the menu options (finger foods, buffet, sit-down, sweets table)?
* Can the menu be modified? If so, is there an extra charge?
* Can you accommodate guests if they have dietary restrictions?
* What are your beverage options (open bar, cash bar, nonalcoholic...)?
* What is included in the beverage price (tax, gratuity, champagne for bride and groom)?
* What is the cost per person (food, beverage, liquor)?
* What does the price include (table, chairs, linens, china, tableware, setting-up, servers, decorations, valet parking, bartenders, cake cutter, clean-up...)?
* What color linens are available?
*Do you also make wedding cakes? 
*Will a master of ceremonies be provided to announce the different wedding events (ordoeuvre hour, dinner is served, toast, blessing, cutting of cake...)?
*When do you need a final head count?
*How do you handle unexpected guests?
*Do you have any outlet requirements?
*How many servers will there be and what is their attire?
*How long will the catering staff work? Is there a overtime charge?
*Who is responsible for overseeing the staff throughout the day?
*What is your cancellation policy?
*Is a deposit required? How much?
*How is the final payment to be made and when is it due? 

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Wedding Cakes

Since the days of the Roman empire, the wedding cake has been a ritual and a symbol of the bride and grooms willingness to share each others household from then on. Traditionally, it is a white cake with white butter cream frosting. You may, however, choose other flavors such as chocolate, carrot, rum, fudge, white-chocolate, lemon or cheese cake.

Choose fillings that complement the cake flavor. Cakes may be decorated with fresh and silk flowers, delicate colorful frosting flowers and borders, mini-figurines, glass or crystal toppers.

Select your baker three months in advance of your wedding.

When you meet with your baker, describe your wedding, number of guests, location and time of the reception. Look at photos of specially made cakes and ask to taste samples if possible. Order your cake one month in advance and request a receipt describing the type of cake you have ordered, filling, icing, style, and color of decorations.

Typically the wedding cake sits on a skirted table which is wheeled into the center of the room when the bride and groom cut the cake. The groom places his right hand over the brides and cuts the first slice, which they share. The rest is cut and served to guests. Don't forget to save and freeze the top cake layer to share on your first anniversary. Your baker can advise you on wrapping and freezing the top layer.

The grooms cake is traditionally a gift from the bride to the groom and given as a special way of honoring him (or letting him know he hasn't been forgotten!). This cake may be dark with either fruits and nuts or soaked in liquor. The grooms cake may be presented in a number of ways - during the celebration, included as one of the layers in the bridal cake, served at the reception as a second choice, served at the rehearsal dinner, or specially boxed miniatures given as gifts to attendants. One superstition about the grooms cake is that the maid who sleeps with a slice of grooms cake under her pillow (properly wrapped) will dream of her future husband.

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How to Choose a Disc Jockey

Start interviewing for musical entertainment after you know the location and date of the reception. Entertainment should be booked as much as 1 year in advance. 

Whether you choose a band or DJ, let them know the specifics of your wedding. Ask if they have any special requirements. Most will include in their contract that they're provided with food. Ask your caterer to set aside a small area or room where they can take short breaks. 

Also remember to delegate someone to make sure the entertainer receives a check when the evening is over.

DJs are usually less expensive than bands and popular for those who want to hear the original artist's recordings, not someone else's arrangements. You should decide whether you want an interactive DJ who announces events throughout the evening or one who sticks to playing the music. 

The DJ you choose should be personable, play a good mix of music and bring his or her own sound system. A quality sound system can offer quality entertainment.

When you listen to a DJ look for clarity and consistency of sound.

All forms of music such as CD's, tapes and albums should be offered. Check the DJ's music library to make sure he/she has the type of music you want.

Give the DJ a list of songs, in advance, that you want played in addition to his or her own standard songs. 

Standard playing time is usually 4 hours - 6 hours. Most DJs charge from $400 to $1200 for a 4 hour reception. 

It is also recommended to see a live performance to assure the quality of the service.


QUESTIONS TO ASK A  DJ 

* What dates and times do you have available?
* What wedding packages do you have available?
* How many people will be working with you on my wedding day?
* Do you have special lighting effects?
* If so, is there a charge?
* Ask for a list of songs that are available to you. 
* What is your attire while you are working?
* Do you have references? 
* What is your experience?
* Do you have a demo tape?
* Where will you be playing/performing next? Schedule to see the band or DJ in action.
* Do you have back-up equipment/instruments if something fails?
* How much room will you need for setting up?
* If you are ill on my wedding day who will be your replacement?
* How many breaks do you take? For how long?
* Will there be music playing while you are on break?
* What is your fee and do you charge for overtime?
* Are there any traveling fees?
* What power supply requirements do you have (i.e., number of outlets)?
* What type of deposit do you require to hold the wedding date?

  What to include in your contract with a DJ:

* Date and time of your wedding. 
* Location of reception. 
* Directions to the reception (if necessary). 
* The number of hours they will be at the event.
* Exact times of performance.
* Itemize all costs (possible overtime charges).
* List deposits. 
* Any other service you discussed 

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Bridal Registry

Traditionally, wedding gifts and showers were designed to furnish a first home, but today's lifestyle is more contemporary. 

The average age for a bride is 26 and 28 for a groom. Many couples live together before tying the knot. 

Second marriages are also on the rise. Now more than ever, registering is important for those who are marrying older and already have plenty of the necessary household items.

The bridal registry is a free service offered by most specialty and department stores to engaged couples. Bridal consultants are usually available to assist you in your selections. 

Registering should be a joint effort between you and your fiancé. This feature lets gift-giving friends and relatives know your preferences and feel good that what they've chosen is something you really want. Don't limit yourself to one store. Register at your favorite specialty shops in addition to one or more department stores (gardening, music, household, hardware...) . 

You may also want to consider mail order registry for out-of-town guests. To avoid duplicate gifts don't register for the same item at more than one store.

Start making decisions about bedding accessories, china, crystal and flatware patterns, and other household items as soon as you set your wedding date. 

Schedule an appointment with the store or stores you'd like to register at so the consultant will allow enough time to help you. Arrange for at least 2 hours or set up several shorter appointments so you don't have to make too many decisions at once. 

The consultant will give you a form to write in your choices and help narrow down your options by asking you questions about family and lifestyle. Let your needs and wants guide your choices. When your guests shop, they can ask for the list and see what you've chosen. 

Remember to list a wide variety of items in all price ranges to suit your guests' budgets and update your listings as your gifts arrive.

Proper etiquette for informing your guests about your selected registries is to let your mother, future mother-in-law and bridesmaids spread the word. It's also proper to include Registered at . . . on your shower invitations, but not your wedding invitations. Some stores provide free registry cards that can be inserted into shower invitations or handed out by family and bridal party members.

 

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Bridal Showers

Traditionally bridal showers are a celebration given in honor of the bride to outfit the couple for their life together. Showers are usually given by close friends or a female relative, other than the bride's mother or sister. 

Showers occur from three months to two weeks before the wedding and are usually held in the afternoon as an informal luncheon or tea. Couples showers are the most popular today and are held in the evening accompanied by a cocktail hour. Shower themes should be fun as well as useful. Kitchen, lingerie, linens or plant themes are popular for all female showers. Themes for couples showers may range from gifts for the bar or kitchen, to home repair or sports equipment.

Games are usually played during the shower which give guests an opportunity to win a small gift. A questionnaire that challenges guests' knowledge about the bridal pair and a wedding word scramble are some ways to add fun to a shower. 

There are a few customs that usually take place at all female showers. Ribbons and bows are saved from the gifts received. The ribbons are then tied together and made into a ribbon rope which encircles the group of guests. The girl with the most knots in her hand will be the next to marry. Bows from the packages are pulled through holes made in a round piece of cardboard or two paper plates. The bride is supposed to use this make-believe bouquet at the rehearsal ceremony.

 

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Invitations

When your guests receive your wedding invitation they will immediately know the style and mood of your wedding day. Because of their social importance and expense, choose your invitations carefully. Look at several styles and colors which are available at most printing shops or personal businesses that specialize in wedding invitations.

Who To Invite

Sending a wedding invitation to a family member or friend is a sign of affection and respect. It also conveys your desire to make that person feel good about participating in your joyous occasion. You may want to prepare two lists - make one your first priority and the other your second priority. 


In your first priority list include both immediate families, attendants, spouses, fiancés or special escorts of the attendants, both sets of godparents if they're close to you, your clergyman and his wife. Your second priority list should include distant relatives and family friends, parents or siblings closest to you or your attendants, your bosses, best friends, close work associates, close leisure associates, close former teacher, close business associates of both sets of parents, doctor, lawyer and their spouses.

Formal or Informal Invitations

Formal invitations are engraved with black ink on heavy ivory or white paper. 

These are often kept as mementos of the wedding and are usually handsome and luxurious. Less formal invitations are done in a variety of creative ways. Some send handwritten notes in black ink on good quality white or ivory paper. Others print text on good quality stationery available in a variety of color stocks and inks. Perhaps you may want to include an illustration or photo with your invitation. 

Ordering Your Invitations

Order your invitations 4 or more months in advance. Select other personalized items such as announcements, reply cards, reception cards, thank you cards, notepaper, matchbooks, napkins, at home cards, map or directions to the ceremony and reception, place cards for the reception or wedding programs. Understand the number of invitations needed, your budget, wording, day, date, time and place of ceremony and reception site. 

Ask the person you are ordering from for a list of examples of the proper wordings for invitations. There are numerous wordings to choose from (wordings for second marriages, when the bride's family sponsors the wedding, when the bride's step parent(s) sponsors the wedding, if parents are divorced, if one parent is deceased...). When you are ready to make your final decision type or clearly print all the information needed for your invitations so there's no confusion at the printers. Don't forget to order 25 extra envelopes and invitations in case of mistakes, added guests, and for keepsakes. Reordering small quantities can be very costly.

Addressing Your Envelopes

Invitations are always hand addressed in dark blue or black ink. You should clearly handwrite or engrave the return address in the upper left hand corner on the front of the envelope. If you do not have attractive handwriting consider hiring a professional calligrapher. They normally charge on a per envelope basis. 

The inside envelope is addressed to the family name and title of a person. Write the names of children under 18 beneath their parents names. Children over 18 should receive their own invitations. Spell out